Archive for the ‘Faith’ Category

No Regrets

Saturday, June 19th, 2010

I don’t usually have time to listen to podcasts, but the title of this one by my friend and khouria Frederica Mathewes-Green caught my eye.  (I kidnapped it for this post.)  It’s short and simple.  She starts out mentioning the somewhat-controversial idea that bodily illness can sometimes be a sign of a sinful lifestyle, though of course one doesn’t imply the other.  Then she goes on to quote a caller on a radio show who spoke about the wild days of her youth in these terms: “I have no regrets.  If I could, I’d do it all over again.”

The point Frederica makes, with which I couldn’t agree more, is that there are plenty of things you should regret — and these usually fall on the side of self-indulgence.  I don’t think I’ve ever come to the end of a day and wished I’d spent more time watching YouTube videos, eaten more junk food or snapped at more people.  I almost always wish I’d been more patient with my family and more guarded in my choices — spending time cooking or gardening or writing instead of being passively entertained.

It’s the tough choices you don’t often regret — the choices to suck it up and be an adult, keep your mouth shut instead of complaining, do the work instead of finding an excuse not to.  Ironically, it’s often much easier and more rewarding than you could have imagined.  I can’t think of a time I’ve regretted sacrificing for someone else, no matter how unfair it seemed at the time:

There are gonna be times like that, when you look back, when you see — you weren’t having a great time, everything wasn’t just the way you wanted it to be . . . you might have been uncomfortable, it might have been difficult, you weren’t getting the thing that you wanted, but . . . they are the times that we think, ‘I don’t regret going through that . . . I did the right thing, and it was tough.’

The Meaning of Life [and LOST]

Thursday, June 3rd, 2010

No worries: if you haven’t been watching, there’s no possible way you could piece my references below into a spoiler!  However, shame on you — start from the beginning on Hulu.  Pronto.

I still remember the day I discovered that salvation was neither guaranteed nor permanent.  It was one of the most frightening experiences of my life, a little like discovering that you don’t really own the house you just finished paying off.  Only, okay, a much bigger deal.

What helped me to make peace with this tenet of my church’s theology was the realization that ultimately what you believe is only important insofar as it affects what you do.  Take a guy who prays the sinner’s prayer and then goes on to live the rest of his life as — well — a sinner.  He figures he’s okay because he did what he had to do to ensure salvation.  But whether the “sinner’s prayer” phase lasts five minutes or five years, his conversion clearly wasn’t sincere, because it didn’t change him.

Now if you want to split hairs and talk about whether salvation comes from the act of the prayer or from the life that follows it, whether the prayer itself is even necessary or a mere formality that prefaces a much more deep and lasting commitment to a life of spiritual growth, whether the belief is the important thing or the actions that prove it heartfelt — well, fine, I’ll buy you a coffee and we can hash it out.  But ultimately it doesn’t matter.  What we do on this earth matters.  What we do in our hearts, with our neighbors, to our enemies — all of this matters.  All of this determines whether we will be saved.

This is why LOST is the most shockingly meaningful and significant series I have ever seen, the reason I haven’t watched much of anything else since it started, and the reason why I can’t get excited about much else on television.  It’s about the big stuff: about how we live, how the fallen seek and find redemption, how our lives and souls are shaped by those with whom we keep company — for better or worse, by choice or chance.

The trope of the antihero, the conman / prostitute / killer with the heart of gold, can be a morally-ambiguous cliche, implying that actions are meaningless and only “heart” matters.  (Remember Pretty Woman?  We’re supposed to pull for the protagonist because, despite her choice of a deplorable occupation, she has a soft spot for her attractive and wealthy rescuer.)  But in LOST, we see people whose sins are real and damaging: torturers who are haunted by their cruelty, murderers who are always running, children who are paralyzed (literally and figuratively) by their inability to forgive their parents.  They can’t just sweep those crimes off their proverbial slates; they have to reckon with them, to seek closure and possibly judgment, before they can even begin to heal.

Each person comes to the island, as a character says in one of the final episodes, broken.  They all have demons to wrestle, and they do so with nowhere to hide.  They become part of a community, literally in communion with one another; they love and fight with and learn from each other.  In the finale, one of the main characters explains it this way: “The most important time of your life was when you were with with these people.  That’s why you are all here.  No one does it alone.”  The heartbreak, the persecution and violence and pervading confusion that made the show famous — no one fully understood the complex mythology, maybe not even the show’s creators, who are wont to shrug and say, “no, we never intended to explain that” — all of that was simply a means to an end, a way for them to learn how to remember what was important and let go of what wasn’t.

So, ultimately, the hair-splitting is irrelevant.  Sure, I’d like to know the mechanics of the monster, the back stories of some of the minor characters, and the prelude and postlude to the short time frame that’s chronicled in the series.  I’d love to buy you lunch (coffee wouldn’t quite cover this) and debate about that just for argument’s sake.  But kudos to the show’s writers for refusing, in the end, to get caught up in the nit-picky intricacies of plot and setting.  What made the show great was its focus on the universals of death, love, forgiveness and deception — the human experiences and ideals we’ve all lived and suffered through.

And really (okay, stop reading here if you might someday want to be surprised by the ending) it also doesn’t matter whether the alternate reality depicted in the final season is called purgatory, or karmic reincarnation, or heaven.  The point is that each person in that church made a decision to live an honest and selfless life, and they were rewarded with a chance to right the wrongs they had committed, and to enter into the afterlife as purer, more whole human beings — free from the corrupting influence of mankind that extended even to their island paradise.

You know how I know it’s an amazing series?  I can’t wait to watch the whole thing all over again.  Starting tonight.  Who wants a Dharma beer?

Is Smoking Sinful?

Saturday, May 8th, 2010

Talk about a loaded question.  It’s one about which I’ve often wondered, being a lifelong Christian and an occasional smoker.

Yes, it’s bad for you.  So is eating at McDonald’s.  And if done in moderation, it’s probably even less bad for you than McDonald’s, especially if you’re smoking anything other than unfiltered tobacco cigarettes.

Society has certainly demonized it, and as a borderline libertarian (who voted for Obama — hey, at this point I might as well alienate all of my readers) I tend to come down hard on the other side.  I think secondhand smoke is largely a myth.  I certainly think bars, restaurants and other private businesses should be able to decide for themselves whether to allow smoking on the premises. But that’s all politics and personal freedom, and the Church doesn’t care much for either.

My good friend Pastor Toby Sumpter recently posted about this issue, and I have to say, it’s one of the most thoughtful and balanced perspectives I’ve ever read on the subject.  He primarily addresses the students of his parish and school, but then broadens his argument to include all of us:

If 9 out of 10 of your elders, pastors, and teachers would frown at it, why do it? Aren’t we called to love? And love not only covers multitudes of sins, it looks for ways to die for others. Ordinarily, in our culture, cigarettes are self-serving and the only other people thankful for your indulgence are your friends who also know deep down (or not so deep down) that dad would really not be pleased with this. Is that love?

I’m still not sure what I think.  But it’s a pretty compelling argument: Christianity is about sacrificing for others, not doing what we want and forcing them into acceptance.  St. Paul, in 1 Corinthians: “But take heed lest by any means this liberty of yours become a stumbling-block to them that are weak.” (8:9)  Just as interesting is the question of whether it’s morally wrong for a non-Christian to smoke for similar reasons — his own autonomy versus the pain and distress inflicted on those he loves.  Some people quit lifelong habits out of deference to their parents or spouses, and I’d like to think it’s not just because the nagging wore them down.

Anyone want to jump in with their two cents?  You thought I’d never ask?

A New Love

Thursday, May 6th, 2010

I love to learn.  This might be why I occasionally love to teach, too.  I also love a good deal.  This might be proof that I’m Armenian.

Thus, I purchased a Groupon awhile back for a month of yoga classes at Charm City Yoga (turn volume down if exploring that link!) which has four locations around Baltimore; I got to six classes in a month, most with my friend Jamie, and I’m sad to know it will end tonight.

As I drove home from class, I reflected on some of the things I love about yoga, none of which I could have predicted until I tried it.  From least to most important:

1. It’s a great workout. Anyone who thinks it’s simply stretching is woefully misinformed.  I left my first Vinyasa class drenched in sweat and was sore for several days afterward.

2. It leaves you feeling peaceful. As much as I loved running and hated to give it up, I never liked the way I felt afterwards: tense.  Yes, I got a nice feeling of exhaustion and a rush from the endorphins, but my neck and shoulders were always tight, and my feet hurt, even before I developed plantar fasciitis.  When you leave a yoga class, you feel tired, but very peaceful; more flexible, more open.

3. It’s centering. I know I have shared this Tolstoy story before, but in case you haven’t read it, please do; it explains so much of what I hate about modern life.  I feel we are always looking back, with nostalgia and relief, or forward, with anticipation and dread.  We try to accomplish so much at once that we rarely take the time to ground ourselves in the beauty of the present moment.  Yoga forces you to do this: you concentrate on your breath, your body, the room you’re in, the presence of others, the voice of your instructor — all the visceral and tangible signs of the world around you.  You have to pay attention and be present.

4. It’s deeply spiritual. I have always thought Orthodoxy had much in common with other Eastern religions, and I have found yoga to be very much in line with its tenets.  At the beginning of each session you set an intention, a prayer — something you lift up and ask for throughout the practice, either physical or spiritual.  As I breathe, I say the Jesus Prayer. I often find myself praying for others in the class, for the instructor, and for myself: as my body grows stronger, I pray that my faith will, too.

So.  Yoga.  Who knew?  This is why learning is such an amazing thing.

Tonight’s Top Stories

Monday, April 5th, 2010

Our little church in Linthicum had a blaze of press coverage over the weekend.  This is unusual in a year when Western Easter and Eastern Pascha fell on the same Sunday, but we were happy for the publicity, which was very positive.

First, the Baltimore Sun’s Anne Arundel County section featured a front-page shot of my husband, along with some other parishioners.  I was just to the left of the lens, in the choir.  (I was actually worried they might use one of the shots they took of me chanting — my posture was terrible and I’m sure I would have caught some flack from my voice teacher about that!)

Both Rob and I are quoted extensively in the article.  I spoke for several hours with the reporter, both on the phone and in person after Vespers, and I think there was just too much information for him to put together a coherent narrative.  He also misspells my middle name (anyone who has gotten a personal e-mail from me knows that) and makes it sound like I’m a different person from Emily Lowe. But whaaaatever.  I’m happy to promote my church in any context.

Second, we got front-page billing (next to the giant headline about the slots) in the Maryland Gazette.  The online version doesn’t show the photo, which is also great.  My husband’s godfather is quoted in this one, but neither of us were there (it was the only Holy Week service I missed, actually — trying to save my voice for the marathon weekend.)

That’s all, unless you missed the TV spot last year, filmed on Lazarus Saturday; here’s the post and the video.

It’s so interesting, as a writer and an Orthodox Christian, to watch people try to make logical and journalistic sense of such a complex and mysterious faith.  The thing is, though I’m glad for the publicity and hope it drives seekers to investigate Orthodoxy, you just can’t understand what we’re all about by spending five minutes reading or watching a news blip.  Any issue worth debating can’t be covered accurately and quickly, I suppose, but Orthodoxy is particularly visceral; a paragraph, photo or even video can’t convey what the experience is like.  That’s why the experience is one worth having.