The Family Y(ode)r

July 30th, 2010

I come from a big red barn,

From newlywed dreams of pigs and beef cattle

And maybe a few cats to keep the mice out of the corncrib.

I come from piles of warm, sleepy kittens,

From puffy tails, shaped like Christmas trees,

And insistent mewing than quiets only

When there is something interesting to chase.

I come from Varnes & Hoover Hardware,

From rows of shiny brass lanterns and sparkling Mason jars,

Where the cheerful Amish gentleman behind the counter

Is just as polite to the girl in the T-shirt that reads, in neon green,

“MY FEET HURT FROM KICKING SO MUCH ASS”

As he is to the woman in the pristinely pressed bonnet.

I come from grilled pork in barbeque,

From salads with sugar and mayonnaise

And overstuffed subs sold by the thousand

To pay a boy’s medical bills.

I come from toasted olive-nut sandwiches

At the Olympia Candy Kitchen,

Where patrons shake their heads and say airily,

“You just can’t find this anywhere else.”

I come from wide-open prairie skies,

Blue and hazy all day, inky black all night,

And in between, a glorious palette of golden-tinged pastels

That demands further investigation,

That demands you stop and gaze.

I come from an old, weathered pier, with flaking white paint,

From crawdads and leeches and seaweed

And the delicate balance between the hot skin of the water’s surface

And the cold, murky, uncertain depths below

That vulnerable toes would rather avoid.

I come from prizewinning eggplants and Merino sheep,

From the Big Pig sleeping on a pile of damp hay

And fluffy, trembling rabbits and feisty draft horses

And gowns with perfect, even seams

Made by tiny, deft fingers

Whose skills I can only dream of, three times older.

I come from lazy, roundabout conversations

About kids and baseball games;

From the pause between catching up and resuming a life lived apart,

From counting rail cars at a crossing,

So fully focused on the moment

That weightier matters slip away; instead,

128 (plus two locomotives) is all that ever mattered

in the whole wide world.

Such a Thing

July 25th, 2010

I wrote my grandmother a postcard from Paris.  I told her Rob and I were having fun, but also working hard to keep the students in line.  At the end, I added: “We have decided that there is, after all, such a thing as a stupid question.”

It sounds uncharitable, I know.  But you wouldn’t believe some of the gems we encountered on that trip.  Our favorite was the day we took the students to Versailles.  After touring the chateau, we stepped out into the garden, amid Baroque music and twinkling fountains, and surveyed the acres upon acres of gardens that, after four visits, I have still not completed touring.  Planes of green stretched as far as the eye could see, broken only by the spiderweb of white footpaths and the marked orbs of bright azure pools and verdant topiaries:

It was this hushed and grateful silence that our students broke to ask, first, if there were any shade in the gardens, and second, if there were any trees nearby.  The expression on Rob’s face must have caused the latter student to rethink his question, because he hastily added, “Well, I mean, I can see the trees down there . . . but are there any closer to us?”

Very wisely, Rob responded without sarcasm or condescension.  He just said, “I’m going to let you think about that.  I’ll come back to you in a few minutes.”  And we walked out to the gardens, where we found views like these:

Not only are there trees and shade in abundance, it’s actually nearly impossible to take a photo in the gardens that doesn’t include both.

Okay, that was one of the worst questions.  But they kept coming throughout the trip.  The students didn’t know where the subway stop was for our hotel, even though we’d returned there multiple times a day.  They wanted to know when the Arc de Triomphe was built a few minutes after someone had made a presentation and handed out brochures with that exact information.  We got used to repeating every directive three or four times, as in: “We’re going to Villa Savoye today.” (“Where are we going?”) “We’re going to Villa Savoye today.” (“Oh, we aren’t going there tomorrow?”) “We’re going to Villa Saoye today.” (“Should I get my Villa Savoye materials, then?”)

It was a minor annoyance; as Mike likes to remind us, if they get on our nerves, hey, they’re getting on our nerves in Paris.  We patiently helped them navigate the subway, look up pertinent information and hear the itineraries, again and again.  We saved the shocked laughter for our private kir sessions, and we reminded ourselves that while this was in some ways a dream vacation, it was also a job.

And I kept thinking about the questions even after we got back, since they are the same kinds of questions I encounter in the classroom on a near-daily basis.  What page are we on?  When is this due?  What was the answer to number 7?  Something about the presence of a teacher makes us turn our brains off.  We are so reluctant to look for the answers ourselves, to trust our own logic and intelligence rather than having the solution spoon-fed to us.  Here I include myself; I have only recently begun forcing myself to pause before I send any e-mail with a question in it, and often I’ll find that I do know how to find the answer – it’s just that it involves more work than simply asking someone else for it.

It’s so easy to be philosophical at the beach, far away from the day-to-day frustrations and joys of the classroom.  So, while I’m thus removed from the situation, I’m on the hunt for a humorous and compassionate way to deter these inane questions, the questions that make me want to climb the walls of the classroom and breathe consuming fire on it.  I like Rob’s response, but it would be tedious to repeat many times a day.  Maybe having another student answer, as proof that it is possible to pay attention?  I’m afraid that might be too embarrassing for both parties.  I’ll keep thinking.  Feel free to join in.

An Interested Life

July 23rd, 2010

Anna is no longer blogging, but I came across this wonderful quote recently and had to share it:

Live an interested life. I cannot put this in bold enough face. You are interpreting the world to your child. Is it fascinating for you? Are you engaged in creating, in thinking, in knowing people? Do you make music, take pictures, cook, teach yourself to sew, hike someplace new, learn to fish, eat at a new restaurant, take the back way into town? Are you reading about the history of mental illness, repairing furniture, learning to oil paint? *Show* your child how interesting the world is, and they will love to learn.

And that is what we’re after, isn’t it?

She was talking about homeschooling (she did it with five of her own) but I think it’s good advice for all parents, and godparents, and teachers too.  I’ve always thought it was just fine if students thought I was weird, as long as they saw I was passionate, because maybe it would inspire them to be more passionate toward the things they love to learn about.

Or, at the very least, they’d get a good laugh at my weirdness.  Which is good for both parties.

Invincible America

July 21st, 2010

No one, says psychologist Dr. Friedman:

We marvel at the resilient child who survives the most toxic parents and home environment and goes on to a life of success. Yet the converse — the notion that some children might be the bad seeds of more or less decent parents — is hard to take.

It goes against the grain not just because it seems like such a grim and pessimistic judgment, but because it violates a prevailing social belief that people have a nearly limitless potential for change and self-improvement. After all, we are the culture of Baby Einstein, the video product that promised — and spectacularly failed — to make geniuses of all our infants.

Not everyone is going to turn out to be brilliant — any more than everyone will turn out nice and loving. And that is not necessarily because of parental failure or an impoverished environment. It is because everyday character traits, like all human behavior, have hard-wired and genetic components that cannot be molded entirely by the best environment, let alone the best psychotherapists.

Besides playing on my biggest fear about parenthood (what if your kids are just plain rotten?!) the article brought to mind another point made, much more lyrically and with a healthy dose of cynicism, by Jason Peters: Too many people are going to college, and college itself is ceasing to do much of anything but harm:

It may be—it is certainly so in some cases—that “higher education” is little more than a poorly wielded blunt sword that maybe strikes, but for the most part glances off, the heads and shoulders of young people, and I suppose this is lucky.

But not in an ideal college experience. There’s a risk to education, and education should be worth the risk, to say nothing of the cost. It should result in better and more thoughtful citizens of given places. It should culminate in full human beings who know better than to be enamored of abstractions. If I allow that education should be driven largely by content, I hasten to add that it should also be ethical, moral, and humane. It should be conducted with respect for both the future and the past, which is to say its should be conducted with measured suspicion of and admiration for both.

Young men and women, if they have been properly educated, should undergo a crisis of conscience analogous to physical growing pains.

By and large they don’t. They undergo a closing of conscience–and of consciousness. They are introduced only to the easiest of moralities—“tolerate difference.”

[. . .]

It is difficult to imagine handing over democracy to such people, but we really don’t have any other choice. We can’t exactly hand it over to the cows.

And of course there’s the other kind of student who will not suffer any crisis of conscience whatsoever. He is the student who has been raised by fundamentalists, either religious or secular. He arrives at college knowing he will be assaulted and he is determined from the start to withstand the assault. He believes St. Matthew was written first and Revelation last. Or he believes all facts of existence can be explained in terms of natural selection, or by brain states, or by the subconscious. The great catastrophe of his existence is that mystery has been dismissed before he even gets a chance really to be confronted by it. He was raised by parents who on Sunday mornings either went Jesus-hunting at the Bible Chapel or warbler-hunting at the Cathedral of the Pines.

All of this is to say that there are both pervious and impervious students and that all of them are being introduced by “higher education” to a lower form of existence. Perhaps all of them are credulous young men and women, at best the trusting sons and daughters of trusting men and women who don’t know that they’re paying a lot of money so that their children can be told things that aren’t so by people who don’t know that they aren’t so.

Really, it’s hard to summarize a good author — you should read it all, though there is some mild adult language and a general jaded tone that belies his good nature.  (He’s the brother of one of my dearest friends, so I’ve met him several times.)

I could (and do) heartily agree that college is too widely seen as an instant fix for everyone: students who did well in high school are expected to cement their social and vocational status with a degree or two, and those who blew off four years are told they can make a comeback with the next four.

I could (and do) also second Peters’ suggestion that higher education should include compulsory manual labor — food preparation, cleaning, gardening or something designed to teach them the value of visceral, tangible effort.  It’s good enough for you that you should be forced to do it even if you wouldn’t have chosen to.

However, I think the important point in both articles is that we (I speak for Americans, though probably some Western Europeans are following suit) are far too empowered for our own good.  We think we can do anything, from changing dispositions to changing intellect.  We are all such complex beings that it’s ludicrous to try to pin ourselves to any one set of influences; we just don’t know where our minds and personalities come from.  We’ve all met nasty people and simple people, and though we’d like to think they wouldn’t ever exist in our families (or, God forbid, ourselves) odds are that some of us will have to accept that reality.  We just don’t want to.

An Inside Look

July 19th, 2010

When my cousin Katie got married a couple of weeks ago, I brought my camera.  This is unusual for me; with the number of expensive, semi-professional devices floating around these days, I’m generally too intimidated to try to capture a few humble photos on my point-and-shoot.  But I enjoyed taking pictures, and I thought you might get a kick out of these mostly-zany ones, in case you had any delusions of sobriety and decorum about my family:

Elliot’s all-time favorite trick, and Abby’s all-time favorite Pointy Face.

Blue Steel vs. Head-Squisher.

I asked Billy to define “corkscrew curls.”

Elliot wanted me to get ALL angles of his face.

“Now, take Mary and Colleen.  THEY have lots of flare . . . don’t you want to express yourself?”

She’s doing this.  You probably won’t find it funny unless you’ve seen the episode multiple times.  Maybe not even then.

One normal one.  Look, we got some sun at the hotel pool yesterday!

Back to weirdness . . . here is Tristan singing along to a Motown favorite (anyone?  help!)

Relax, they’re not fighting.  Just singing, um, passionately.  I think Journey was the instigator.

Yes, there was actually a wedding amid all this craziness.  And here’s the beautiful bride, groovin’ to some sweet tunes on the dance floor.

Grandma’s making trouble again.  I don’t know how many times we must have told her to stop lighting things on fire.  Sigh . . .

Obviously, we had a wonderful trip, especially since Katie and Matt were gracious enough to spend lots of time with us, breaking the time-honored tradition in which the bridal party barely gets to see their guests.  We’re blessed with such a great extended family.  I wish we could get married again just to get them all to come back in Baltimore!